Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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