I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize