Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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