I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
