She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
