a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
