john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
