just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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