He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
