And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
