I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
