Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You're like the curious george of whores
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize