I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
