ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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