I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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