so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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