i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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