i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
