he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
