If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
