just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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