I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
