I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
