Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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