I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize