umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
