Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
