turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
