i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
