It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
