oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
