i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
