can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
