I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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