Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
