you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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