tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
