hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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