I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
