I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
