I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
