mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
