i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
