It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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