My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
