Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
