i was born a porn star she said
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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