just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
