Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
