i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
