I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so explain again why im purple
no
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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