Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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