The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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