great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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