My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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