I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
