Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
