Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
