he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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