it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
