I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
