i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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