i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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