You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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