ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
