nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
