i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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