i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize