The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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