I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
