the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I didn't notice because vodka
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
