You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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