I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm like, not good at living.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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