The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
