I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
