about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He passed out mid-signature
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize