Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
