Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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